Fuzzy Memories

The pictures have turned fuzzy like a memory

And I can see all of your faces staring at me

You’re asking me why

I can’t tell you.

The only thing I know

It’s more than a habit to let go

It’s a lifestyle

It’s mine

So don’t take it from me

Please let me be

I can walk this path alone

Maybe one day it’ll all be a memory.

Silently Screaming

All I want to do is scream through the silence

I want to break down

But I want you to know without saying a word

I can’t be the person you want me to be

I’m not the person you see

I’ve been broken for years

As far back as three

Tears piling up and spilling on each other

Followed by more tears

I want to be the person you see

But I’ve learned appearances aren’t everything

I’m stuck in this body that I don’t see as my own

This life isn’t mine

I know I was born in the wrong time

Why?

All I can do is silently scream.

Hospice

It’s like someone has punched you in the gut,

And although you’re surrounded by plenty of oxygen, you can’t quite remember how to breathe it in.

Every limb on your body is weak,

And you’re not sure if you’ll be able to make it through the day.

You’re fighting for them.

Though you are suffering, you know their suffering is greater.

And you’re not quite sure how to face everyone after they’re gone.

When people ask, how will you be able to speak those words?

All the secret tears I’ve cried, quieted by emotions I do not know how to express

All the things I wanted to do for her, and now it’s too late

I’ve lost my chance.

Life doesn’t wait for you;

It does what it wants when it wants,

And this is its harshest reminder.

But I think this is a portion of the worst part;

Waiting for the phone call,

Feeling helpless and too many miles away.

Dear Gunman

Dear Gunman,

Who gave you permission to play God? To take his life before his time? How can you look into his family’s eyes and justify your actions? Why would you stop another’s breath and heartbeat when they were keeping alive a man who cared for others before himself? On judgment day, what will you say before the Lord? How will you respond when he asks you, “Why did you kill My son? Did you not know he was your brother as you are all brothers and sisters through Me? Jesus endured unbearable pain and suffering so you could do this to your brother?” And what is amazing, is that by the grace of God, the same Father of the man you killed, He can still find a reason to forgive you. 

 

 

*This morning the world lost a wonderful football coach and leader of the community. Please pray for all involved in this horrible event.

Moving On

It’s too late for me to turn around

Because I already took the first step in goodbye

I loved you and I waited, 

But now life is pulling me on, pulling me forward

And falling back seems almost fatal

I wish you happiness, and I wish you love

But I’m pulling myself out from your life

Because I must get away from what I can’t have

A broken heart hurts more than I had planned

I had never planned to give my heart away

But you had it before I realized what was happening around me

And please know that your last words “love you”

They were the hardest thing to keep walking away from

But I knew I had to because getting closer to be pulled apart,

it’s just equal to another broken heart

So I’ll keep moving on through my days

Though I think of you often and always

I’ll keep these thoughts my own, my secret pain

For the better of moving on

Goodbye.

So here we are at the end

The sun goes down on a less-than-friend

Alone I stand with these tire marks

You drove off and I’m in the dark

I can’t believe you left me here

So I jump in my car & put ‘er in gear

But I won’t be chasing you anymore

You took your things and locked your door

I drive fast and far to erase the pain

You brought me fear and you brought me shame

So here’s to last chances that were never taken

You were too busy lying, too busy faking

But now you’re trapped behind the walls you built up

I never want to see your black pick-up truck.

An Unconscious Thank You

Oh my unconscious

Sleep would be nice

Close my eyes to drift

And leave this reality

Wake-less hours with eyes wide open

Fast asleep, no one would know.

 

Thanking my mind

for my unconscious thoughts

Bringing forth myself, my personality

In sleeping, a vulnerability of innocence and truth

All of me, all honest and exposed

For you.

“I’ll be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you”

One starry December night you took my heart

And in the flurries of January you took my hand

In cold February weekends you gave them right back

But didn’t you know?

I guess you didn’t much care

Giving them right back

It’s not right; it wasn’t fair

Because you won me over before I had a chance to think

You made me fall for you with every word, every smile

You knew what you were doing

So when I fell, why didn’t you catch me?

 

I wish you would have just left me alone.

You gave me a happiness I had never known

And no matter how many times I’ve tried, I can’t let you go.

I’ve been ready and waiting for this pain to go away.

You were my complement- I felt it- how did you not?

At the time, you could not lie, you felt it too.

So what made you run away?

Why do you have such fear?

I want what’s best for you.

I hope for your happiness, even when I’m not the cause behind it.

I wish you all the best with life.

I’ll be waiting, but I’ll be missing you.

I’ll be half a world away,

But I won’t give up.

Please wait for me

As I’ll be waiting for you.

Don’t Abandon My Heart

Late one night

You took my hand, unexpectedly

I wasn’t prepared

Yet, I held on, willingly

 

It would have appeared

The soundest sleep

Still wide awake

You held onto me

 

Steady breath

With a steady, fast heart

Fingers slipping between fingers

That never wanted to part

 

You asked me not to leave

And I wanted, but couldn’t, stay

How could I have known

This was a once-in-a-lifetime day?

 

You took my hand

You made these feelings start

So please don’t leave me here;

Don’t abandon my heart.

Epitome.

A touch that sent my world spinning

A whirlwind of thoughts conquering my sensibility

An electric shock that aligned all the pieces of my previously broken heart

All of this in the silent touch of your hand.

 

Eyes now open to hindsight

You saw me when I wasn’t looking

I wish my eyes would have been awake

My only regret has been sleeping in

 

Now you have awoken my spirit.

My energy for the reason of life.

A simple smile is all it takes

Or the silent touch of your hand.

 

And then I fall, into the whirlwind

Epic as it is to me

It is also the epitome

The epitome of love.