Breathe.

Recording a CD is a lot different than I thought it’d be…

My first day, I was there for 3 hours for one song, because I had to learn about all the technical stuff.  It was really cool to see my voice picked apart in different sections on the computer.  My first song was a little shaky.  It was odd to have such an odd microphone in front of my face and know that I had to stay positioned how I was while I sang so the mic would receive the same amount and angle of my voice.  I was scared to breathe!

My instructor seemed a bit harsh.  It took me off guard, because I really was trying my hardest, and for once in my life, my hardest wasn’t good enough for her.  I was singing like I always had, but it wasn’t good enough.  I kept trying and trying and was on the verge of tears every time when she would finally decide she was satisfied.  Is it really necessary to push yourself to such an emotional state to reach the final product?  I don’t think so. 

Things haven’t been going as well as planned.  We’ve run into some technical equipment problems, but they will be resolved soon, hopefully.  I like the product so far, but I only wish for more variation.  I know the studio isn’t anything fancy or anything, but still.  Maybe in the future?  We’ll see.  The future creeps up faster than expected most of the time!  Which really is a silly thing to say since time is a consistent substance.

I almost seem to dread recording sessions now, but once I through the first few run-through’s I’m pretty good.  My voice is trying quickly and that worries me.  The pain in my chest when I breathe still hasn’t gone away….  It’s deep, and it shoots through to my back.  It’s being simply dismissed as a muscle, but I wish it would work it’s self out so I could breathe easier!

I was reading a novel last night, and the main character was approaching his death.  It was an amazing feeling that I received from the situation.  I obviously felt for the character since the book attaches the reader to him, but the author was able to give the reader a true appreciation for life.  The character thought of his friends’ futures.  The author took you through the little things he noticed.  His heart beat.  Every Breath.  The dew on the grass.  People always say life is short…  He, the character, thought about how others had years ahead of them, but here he was, accepting death. 

It’s an odd thing to be faced with death and have to accept it.  I think it would be one of the hardest things a person would have to do.  Oddly enough, these are not the first thoughts I’ve had on the matter.  I had repeated dreams about a month ago about being faced with death.  Suprisingly, I found myself able to accept the fact.  I’m not so sure I would be so brave in real life.  Nevertheless, I am happy with where I am now, and I trust that God will take me home safely when the time does come. 

It’s amazing how a person’s views on death can change over time.  I have lost several loved ones already, and as I grow older, I know there will be more lost.  Yet, I am not as afraid of death anymore.  Only saddened when I think of what I might miss, but Heaven encourages me that I might watch still.  Faith has brought the biggest comfort to me with death.  I DO believe in God and Jesus, and I DO believe in Heaven.  Heaven.  Simply amazing.  It’s quite an overwhelming feeling when it hits you that ALL of it is real!  It makes every problem seem so insignificant, and it brings with it peace.  Peace.  An overwhelming amount of peace.  It is truly the most amazing feeling I have ever felt.  Pure peace. 

I must be going now, but I hope that you are able to find peace, true peace. 

Sleepless in [_________]

Another sleepless night.  Joy.  Another night full of my thoughts keeping me awake.  Lucky for me, I have good music to keep me company.  You know that moment when your head is spinning with thoughts right before you fall asleep?  You’re on the edge of a cliff, about to plummet into the deep, unknown spinning circles of dreamland.  I was there.  Then of course my iPod went to such a moving song that my body and mind sparked back to life.  Next thing I knew I was sitting up and started singing along, quietly of course, so I did not wake my family.   I had the urge to dance, but did not, for fear of tripping and falling over loudly [I’m a bit clumsy at times] or of being discovered when I’m supposed to be sound asleep.  Now, of course, I find myself glued to my computer listening to the Fray.  I have no desire to go back to bed, though my mind tells me I should since I have an early morning ahead of me. 

I had a lethargically productive day today, if that isn’t the killer of all oxymorons.  -ish.  I really just lied around all day, but I learned a lot from the History channel.  Did you know that Dracula was real?  He was the prince of Romania.  He took the throne at the age of seventeen and ruled for only seven years.  He sure made one heck of an impression.  He became notorious for his means of torture.  He was true evil.  I wonder if he ever felt love?  It is so strange to think that this world belonged to an entirely different mindset of people.  We can see that they were naive, but we are surely not much better.  Hindsight makes a difference.  But really, are we much better at all?  Other than scientific advances, where are we?  We still hate and make rash decisions.  We have yet to find a better solution to our problems than killing one another.  It reminds me of this quote: ” The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.” [John Sladek]  I think man can only learn, once man has learned to love, AND think sensibly.  Two things, I’m afraid, some will never come to realize.

I pray this note will at least find you well.

Thank You and Goodnight.

This is a poem I wrote earlier this year.  I have decided to turn it into a song, and finished writing the guitar accompaniment last week.  It will be on my CD coming out mid-August.  It is entitled “Thank You and Goodnight”.  Enjoy.

 

A fragile innocence,

Bending, not broken.

Thought-out words,

Never spoken.

 

Broken hearts

And shattered lives

Can touch the pain

You feel inside.

 

But tonight, you will dance

Among the stars.

It will heal

All your wounded scars.

Hold to your pride,

They can’t take it.

Hold to your heart,

They can’t break it.

 

Stand tall,

And don’t be shaken.

Holdfast,

You won’t be taken.

 

Stir your soul,

As your dreams take flight.

And wish on a star

As you say ‘Goodnight.’